I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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