There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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