i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
