I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
