this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
