Don't you send me to vm
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
