No awkward lesbian experiences without me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
