i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize