I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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