K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
