some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
