You're completely useless in the revolution.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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