It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
