So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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