Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
