I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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