I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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