Umm I'm too high to move.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
