i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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