You don't have asthma, your pregnant
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
