dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize