Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
