remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize