I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
