Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
