Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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