This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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