i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
