And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize