i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
