i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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