He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
