dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
