Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
