I wish I could punch you in the face.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
