Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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