I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
