so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
