just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
