I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
