Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I understand Curling. That high.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
cat food counts as protein by the way
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
