I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
