I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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