I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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