we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
