You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Your cock deserves a montage
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
