I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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