hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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