i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
