meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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