After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
