the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
