What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize