you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
