Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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