I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize