Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
