You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
