he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i will never coherently bang her
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
