Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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