If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
