Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
