He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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