Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
