I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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