he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
