I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
