I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
