Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
