I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
