I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
