he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize